A poem about change

Anima Mutatio: Moments that contain such watery depths, blazing sensations, and an inescapable awareness that from now on, life is different than it ever was.

I. There is the moment you go out into the field.

And you dance like the wilderness in you, making the sounds that need to be heard.

The pieces of your reality have untied and you unravel right there in the grass.

The colored threads that once wove the dream you were dreaming fall at your feet.

The fire inside of you has turned blue and every cell in your body is hot with sensation.

The ritual burning has commenced.

The sun is setting and there seems to be no one alive that can touch where you are.

Under a moonless sky you lean into your bones for ground in the groundlessness.

You must move.

Twists and swirls, reaching and folding, leaping and collapsing.

the erratic patterns of a body creating a new reality

Untamed as it uncertain.

At some point you fall to your knees, breathless and wide-eyed.

The black cloak of mystery wraps itself around you and for now -

there is nothing else to be done.

II. From somewhere beyond the field, you hear the call of the river

It is time to make your way there.

The water is cold and flowing; it bubbles and laughs and beckons to you.

There is no going back once you reach the water.

To move forward means to give yourself to it.

Naked and alive you step in and the cold water greets you.

You wonder when you will feel warm again.

III. Dear one, while you’re in the river there are moments when you will stand tall.

Moments where right there in the middle of it all you open you eyes and blink in the light.

In those moments you will not feel certainty, but you will feel your strength.

You will feel what it is to soften in the middle of time, to be held in the watery in-between.

As you open your palms and exhale a sigh you will not rush any part of your healing.

You will stand there, in the middle of the river, the most beautiful version of one who is becoming themself more wholly.

Patiently, let the river move around you until you are ready.

IV. And then, my love, the moment will come when you fall to your knees and find the bottom. Your plunge is a prayer named surrender.

Under the water, is a place for every ripe and raw feeling.

This moment is yours to release into.

For this river rinses you, and it is forming you.

It washes you as it holds you.

It becomes your cocoon.

You lay down at the river bottom and curl your knees into you.

This is the womb that comes after part of you has died.

You hear you heart beating a new rhythm

What you lost has left behind a space, one only your bigness can fill.

This is the place where grace finds you

She comes to remind you that right now effortlessness is the homeward path.

Here you make no plans, you decide no truths, for it is enough to be washed anew.

So, love, Stay in the field as long as you need.

Let the hummingbirds remind you how held you are.

And then stay in the river for as long as serves you.

Let us join you there: your allies, guardians and guides.

Through the field of fire and the river of becoming, you will never go back to where you were. And thank the gods for that, it gets to be unfathomably big.

Let it happen, watch life stretch itself past the seams of your imagination.

A heart that breaks and chooses to stay awake and aware means the breaking is an opening.

What you receive is a new beginning disguised as a painful ending.

Have patience, dear strong heart.

You will feel your feet on soft grass again as an immovable love takes root within you.

Your eyes will settle on the shifting horizon, stepping forward to greet this new life.

You will feel it, the belonging more to yourself and to this life than you ever have.

You are being gifted the capacity to hold more life, more love, and to dream in a way that matches the bigness of you.